the wonderful world of veena.

31 May 2013

a space of my own.

I am spending the next 10 or so days housesitting / feeding the cat / hanging out at the Walker-Koelsch household near Walnut Grove and Highland, and thus far, it has been magical.

When my brother dropped me off on Tuesday morning, it occurred to me that it's the first time I have a space of my own since my last few weeks in Nepal. And even then, I only had a room in a guest house. The last time I had a whole house to myself for such a long time was my last year in Bangalore, when I lived on my own in the flat.

I realized on Tuesday night, as I was relaxing on the couch, reading magazines and occasionally checking the Heat-Pacers score, how nice it is to have a whole house all to myself. I can dictate my own schedule, do things as and when I wish, be in charge of the remote, and generally not have to worry about disturbing others or catering to anyone else's schedule. To be completely honest, I didn't leave the house on Wednesday or Thursday except to walk to the curb to get the newspaper.

I got a lot of work done on both days, including finally finishing the first draft of my Capstone final paper and taking care of a few other housekeeping and miscellaneous things I needed to do, and I did it at my own pace. I set my schedule, and I mostly stuck to it, and I felt really accomplished at the end of each day. It's been a long time since I've felt like that on a consistent basis.

My brother and I had a bit of an argument this afternoon about why I have to stay there and why I can't just stay at home and hang out with everyone, and I don't know how to explain that sometimes I need my space. This is a big house, but it can get crowded when all four of us are in it for extended periods of time. And I think I'm also acutely aware that my parents and brother have their evening routines, and I don't quite fit back in yet.

Am I purposely trying NOT to fit back in, so that it's not a disruption if and when I leave again? Perhaps. Maybe I don't want them to get used to me being around, so there won't be pressure to live at home even if I find a job in Memphis. Does that make me a terrible person? I don't think so. It certainly makes me sound selfish - and perhaps I am - but I also know that it's something that I have to do for myself.

For the time being, I am enjoying having a whole house to myself [other than the cat, Frankie, who has almost warmed up to my presence] and being able to do what I want when I want to do it. I know it's going to be short-lived, so I'm going to live it up while I can.

And a huge thank you to Walker and Joe for allowing me this little slice of tranquility.

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